Austin to Santa Fe; the journey so far...

Hi from Santa Fe, NM!

It’s been a month and a few days since us and our three dogs piled into our subaru and drove the 11-ish hours from Austin, moving our entire lives to Santa Fe. It’s still so crazy for me to say that! I have lived my entire life in Austin (even stayed there for college- hook ‘em!) and after D and I bought our first home in south austin 5 years ago, I thought we’d be there for at least 10 - maybe even see a little one learn to walk there. But late this summer Dave got this huge opportunity to work for a dream company and we just could not pass it up.

I want to talk about how the move went/things that happened, how I’m feeling at the moment and what I’m looking forward to. Let’s consider this my cheap form of therapy until I can find a therapist here in SF :) And maybe someone out there can relate or is contemplating a big move.

Starting with the bad and the ugly:

Just to be real, Dave and I had some intense arguments at a few points during our move. There was even a big one when we were maybe a week away from leaving texas and the majority of our stuff had been packed up in a POD waiting to be picked up and transferred to NM.

The root of the arguing was that I was scared. So many things were going wrong, so many things were more expensive or more complicated than we ever thought and I was a mess of emotions, having meltdowns. I over thought every. single. thing. that was happening. I took everything that went wrong as a sign that the universe was telling us not to move. And then I took my paranoia out on him (sorry, bub).
As I write this, I’m trying to think of every thing that went wrong during our move but that list would be way too long but mostly way too unproductive. Just know, at the root of it all, I was terrified to leave my bubble I’d lived in for 28 years and I was justifying my fears with everything that was making it hard for us to move.

Dave talked me down, like he’s known to do when I get carried away with negative thoughts. We somehow made everything happen we needed to on time, just us two. It was hard. This move was one of the hardest things we’ve dealt with as a couple but we did it.

The good:

The drive to NM was almost blissful as I look back on it now. Our dogs were little angels and we made good time even with all the bathroom breaks/walks. D and I talked at length about this new adventure, everything we were excited to see and do and how we were most excited to be doing it together even if this wasn’t our “plan.” We also watched/listened to a lot The Office to get us thru the drive which helped a ton. I remember when we were about an our or two out from Santa Fe how the sky lit up with the most beautiful purple-y, pinky, orange sunset and it felt like a little hug from NM to us.

Our rental here is a cute 1940’s adobe with lots of character and in a good location for us. Dave walks to work almost every day and there are food spots and coffee shops within walking distance too. We have a couple of dog parks in our neighborhood and our street is very quiet. No matter where you drive here, you can see the mountains in the not so far distance (they designed the city that way) and it’s really nice when it’s been cold and they’re snow capped! We’ve had one major (not crazy high but still major because it lasted a few days) snow here and it was magical, pure magic. It’s cold here but always sunny so it never feels unbearable, even when it’s 30 degrees.

The best part of this move so far has been how much more time D and I have together. With his old job, we’d have maybe one weekend day (sometimes it was only an afternoon or morning), to spend together where he didn’t have to do work. Now, he gets home at a reasonable hour on the week days and we’ve had all our weekends together- it’s the best. Everything has slowed down now that we’re here in santa fe and I’m so grateful for this new pace life.

I’m so happy that we took the leap to move. The benefits (even just so far) have far outweighed all the strife we went thru to get here. I’m also finally realizing the reason for our loss earlier this summer. I’m feeling like it may have happened so that we could take on this opportunity with no fear and so we can challenge ourselves as a couple. Feeling at peace with our journey, even if it’s been unexpected.

Now, if we could just get another snow soon so we can take christmas card pictures I’d be the happiest gal in the world!

I’ll update you soon. Thanks for reading!
-B

My Stomach Hurts...

I'm about to get REAL TMI in this post in the hopes that topics like these become more normalized and show more people they're not alone. I feel like being able to be candid about real stuff is what old school blogs were all about. I never want my online presence to be "curated just so" or seem "perfect" so I'm sharing something that is ever present in my life and impacts my quality of life daily, maybe you can relate.

It was after lunch, I was in my high school freshman english class when I started feeling one of the most excruciating stomach pains I've ever experienced. I keeled over at my desk, could hardly breathe and winced in pain until my teacher excused me to the nurse's office. From there it was to the doctor's office where the search began to find out what was causing the pain. Ultrasounds were done revealing nothing unusual, then I was placed on a celiac diet to see if that improved things- it didn't. Next came a dairy free diet which seemed to do the trick, so it was determined I must be lactose intolerant. Since then, that particular excruciating pain has not happened again, I take a pill anytime I want to eat diary and it usually helps combat the effects of lactose. Even so, I limit my diary intake. However, other stomach issues have persisted even with the dairy concession. 

Now, I haven't had a Dr. diagnose this but after experiencing this for years, the fact is I bloat VERY EASILY. When I say bloat easily I don't just mean I "look bloated." I mean that my abdomen doubles in size, is hard to the touch, I feel intense pressure, there's lots of burping/flatulence, a feeling of bubbles in my stomach, there's constipation and heavy breathing. To someone who doesn't experience bloating on a regular, what I might even consider a chronic, basis these symptoms might seem very minor and I don't blame you. All I have to say to that is you have to experience it on a regular basis to know what a inconvenience it is both in a superficial way but also what a blow it can be emotionally.

When I experience really bad bloating not only can it last several days but it will effect how I sleep, what I can or cannot wear, what I can eat, what exercises I can do, whether I feel like having sex and how I feel about myself overall. Some of my darkest days have stemmed from a bout of bloating that made me not want to leave the house or even catch my reflection in the mirror. Again, to someone unfamiliar, I know this might sound very dramatic and I get that, but it's something I've dealt with for many years and

there is no getting around the shitty feeling when your own body makes you feel nothing like yourself. 

As I write this, I am on day 3 of bloating caused by a (newish) vitamin I had suspected caused me bloating a couple months ago but wasn't 100% sure so I took it again and now I'm certain that's what it is. 

Now, maybe you're like "just stop eating or drinking whatever bloats you...duh" and I get that. I wish it was that easy. I'm finding out nearly every month new things that bloat me so it's something that I can't get a 100% handle on until I track down every culprit with trial and error and can avoid them completely. An example of some of the most recent things I've found bloat me are: La Croix (or anything carbonated), gum, regular coffee, wheat, cauliflower, fried foods, a certain Vitamin and drinking through straws. The vitamin I mentioned is one I need to take so now comes the challenge of figuring out what ingredient in the vitamin is the culprit and try to find a vitamin that does the same thing without said ingredient- wish me luck!

The point of this post is not for pity or to insinuate "my life is so hard" because to be honest this is a first world problem. I'm just wanting to share a part of me that I deal with daily and have to be super conscious about. Bloating makes me feel like shit some days but it's my reality and if you deal with something similar,

you are not alone. 

Thanks for reading this and let's all agree to talk about the real stuff that we all deal with- even if you think it's insignificant- because it isn't and nobody is as perfect as their social presence may make you believe.

-B