I've been faced with a realization lately that I just can't shake (after all, Kylie Jenner did say that "this year is just about, the year of realizing stuff..."---still SO FUNNY). I figured I'd share my thoughts on growing up and losing/making friends as an adult because, well, it's been weird, man!
I've always been really shy and (mostly) an introvert. Growing up, I tended to have small groups of really close friends that I kept for long stretches of time. But, when friends moved or I moved or we went to different schools or got different jobs, things changed- we drifted, normal. It never seemed too scary when this would happen pre-adulthood because I just leaned on other friends that always seemed to be there and when Dave and I started dating, I focused on our relationship. I've also always been pretty cool with "me time" (even as a kid, I LOVED "me time") and keeping myself busy with my own interests. But as I've gotten older, a lot of those "would always be there" friends have faded into the weird black hole of adulthood (I include myself in that-life gets busy, man!). No one's fault and, again, probably normal for most people.
Still, this kind of just happened one day where I realized, I don't have that small group of really close friends anymore (not to mention, my dearest friend lives 3 hours away- boo, distance!)- we're all doing our own things now. It's left me thinking 'so, now what?'
Dave and I were talking recently about how when we have kids, most of our friends will probably shift to being parents of our kids' friends. Seems so weird that in this stage of life we will probably more likely make friends out of convenience. It made me reflect on some of the most organic friendships I've had, that have since dissipated, and how it's sad knowing those are gone and that new friendships I make might be out of necessity. I know, I know, that's not necessarily true...I'm probably being a TAD over dramatic but still, it's what I've thought about lately.
Though, now, with some help, I'm starting to learn that I should put myself out there more, to go to more events in town and try to connect with people who have similar interests but this all makes me crazy nervous. My shyness has always stemmed from being severely insecure. I'm working on it and Dave helps me everyday with his support and encouragement. But, man, sometimes these insecurities just consume me and make the thought of going out to try and meet new people/make new friends seem terrifying and almost impossible.
All this is to say, yes, it has been bumming me out lately that friendships as an adult, in my experience, are so different from when I was younger, but if I want to change that I should try to adapt; that I should try to make meaningful relationships by taking more risks and letting my guard down. I'm setting myself a goal to focus on doing that this year. I know growing up is probably uniquely strange for everyone and maybe you can't relate at all to this part of it but I just wanted to share as it's been taking up space in my brain and I already feel better having written some of this down.
The key for me is to stay positive, let myself be vulnerable and control what I can, after all:
"You can't set sail with your anchor down..."- Kacey Musgraves
"People are just people, they shouldn't make you nervous. The world is everlasting, it's coming and it's going."- Regina Spektor