What inspires me?
When do I thrive?
What would I rather be doing?
Where do I see myself in 5 years?
I can't pretend I know the answers to these ominous questions though they've been circling in my mind for a few weeks urging me, I think, to make a change in my life's direction. I'm not bored or simply complacent, I think I've just realized (and am scared as hell) that I could be wasting my life at a job that doesn't fulfill me.
I've been wanting to share this ever since I visited with a psychic, technically a tarot card reader- but to keep it easy I'll say psychic, (my first time ever!) for a brief, but impactful, session this summer. I needed sometime to chew on it for a second, though. Mind you some of this is scary and uncomfortable to share but I think I need it to live outside my head as a reminder and to hold me accountable. The psychic said a lot of things I took to heart that night but one thing in particular has stayed with me and, I should admit, has begun to fester. She said (with no warning)"You don't know who you are yet...and that's a good thing." I think I nodded but more likely I just widened my eyes in shock and confusion as she offered me suggestions on what to do with this. Essentially: Don't quit your day job but take time to think about what else you'd rather be doing and carve out time each week to actually do it...maybe it turns into something, maybe it doesn't. Keep trying, keep going. I remember her specifically insisting : "I know you aren't meant to be doing what you're doing."
If you're like me, in this situation, you'd tend to be cynical and assume she says something similar to lots of people she meets. Easy money taking advantage of gullible and/or buzzed people, no doubt. Maybe it was all the rosé I had that night or maybe I had been waiting for someone to say out loud what my heart has been telling me for weeks. Whatever it was, I believe her- I'm kind of scared of it but I believe it.
I'll spare you all the details, but Dave and I had a tough end of last year and beginning of this year. It started when Dave's company laid everyone in Austin off. In the middle of that, both D and I had to deal with random health issues (nothing permanent or serious- just annoying and expensive) and money was super tight. Dave worked some side jobs and freelanced until he found the full time writing job he has now. It was a crazy stressful half a year but we made it out on the other side. All that to say that I feel like since things are more steady around here, that now is a good time to take some serious heed of the psychic's advice.
I don't know what my "calling" is and maybe I don't know exactly who I am yet. I know I want to be and deserve to be thriving and enjoying what I spend 8+ hours of my days doing, not just going thru the motions or dreading a work day. I don't want to waste anymore time. I'm focused on my journey of figuring shit out- both within myself and with what I want to do. I'm running with this as motivation to be better and do more of what fulfills me. I plan on getting my hands dirty, trying and failing, getting my hopes up and getting rejected, being really bad at stuff and maybe even surprising myself but I know it's part of the process of refusing to idly watch my life go by.
Thanks for following along while I figure stuff out. I feel like there will be glitter involved...